It is our first meeting with the child Psychologist and she asks when the first time I noticed something unusual about my child was. In all honesty, until a few weeks ago I had no idea there was anything wrong with him. Yes, there are things about him that are a little bit odd, but nothing that alarmed me to the possibility that he may have a problem. My husband, on the other hand suspected it long ago. He did so not because he found Tristan's behavior odd or concerning. It was a serendipitous discovery. I will discuss that later since it is a story that will make you believe in fate (or something). Well, we had to open up the closet and let all the skeletons out. We talked about my brother's schizophrenia and drug abuse, my struggle with anxiety and depression and my husband's self imposed isolation and lack of friends. Luckily, my father's death due to AIDS did not come up as a topic of discussion.
When my husband first brought up his suspicions, it was as we were walking to the train on our way to work. We had just had a meeting with Tristan's first grade teacher. I requested it to discuss some issues he was having in school. Really, I thought I would just reassure her that he always experienced these same problems at the start of each year (nursery, preK, Kindergarten had all been the same). She indicated the same concerns each teacher had voiced in the past. There was a problem integrating him into the group. He could not complete his tasks and he was very slow in doing such things as getting ready to go home. She suggested that maybe I "coddled" him too much and really needed to have him be more independent. "These are skills he should have mastered years ago," she said. I left wondering what the big deal was if it took him a few more minutes to put his coat on. As we walked out of the meeting my husband said "Do you think he may have a problem?" I was sure he did not. There was a short silence and something made me think he had a particular concern so I asked him what it was. He then asked me to look up Asperger's in the internet and I obliged as soon as I got to work. I did so to check it off the list as a possibility and initially I did just that. Tristan did not exhibit any of the classic symptoms on the checklists I pulled up. He is not shy, he does not rock or flap his hands, he wears anything I put on him, he is loving etc. However, as I looked further I found some very detailed lists that gave me cause for concern. He cannot ride a bike (even with training wheels), he covers his ears often when the environment is too loud, he cannot maintain eye contact and is clumsy, he lectures us and is obsessed with war and the military. I felt relieved and sick in equal measure. Everything now seemed to make sense. The puzzle was coming together.
